When AI Makes Feedback Easier -
and When It Doesn’t

AI is everywhere these days—writing emails, summarizing meetings, probably plotting world domination (kidding… mostly). A recent McKinsey study found that nearly 50% of workers are already using AI-powered tools, with many reporting increased efficiency and lower stress levels.

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A Fear that AI might take over human judgement

There’s a lingering fear that AI will replace human judgment, especially in areas requiring actual human skills—like empathy, nuance, and knowing when not to say, “per my last email.” A Pew Research survey stated that many Americans are highly skeptical of AI’s judgement on evaluating performance. Yet, its use in these areas is growing.

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Instead of resisting this, it’s time to start partnering with it. The key is using AI as a tool, not a replacement. And it can be a wonderful partner for tricky human-centered tasks that we might put off, like giving feedback.

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Why we hate giving feedback

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If you’ve ever had to give someone feedback, you might have experienced one (or all) of these common fears:



Defensiveness: You worry the recipient will react negatively.


Performance Anxiety: You’re afraid you’ll fumble your words.


Reputation Risk: You don’t want to come across as mean, potentially damaging your relationship.​



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As a coach, I often see clients struggle with the anticipation of giving feedback more than the conversation itself. The fear of getting it wrong can lead to avoidance or ineffective delivery, creating a cycle where feedback feels stressful instead of productive.

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That’s where AI can step in—not to do the job for you, but to help you get out of your own way.

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How to Use AI to Prep for a Feedback Conversation

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Step 1: Do your homework

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Before you even consult AI, ask yourself:

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How will I deliver the feedback?



In-person or over video is best. Please use email as a last resort. I know, sometimes, it’s our only option – but if you want the best odds of creating a productive outcome and a stronger relationship, then talking it through it best.




What is the desired outcome?



What is the ideal action you want the recipient to take? Depending on your relationship, this could be an apology, acknowledgment, or a shared goal to work toward together.




How do I want them to feel afterward?



Notice I didn’t say, How do I want to feel? That’s a given—you want relief, closure, or productivity. But the recipient’s emotional state matters just as much. For instance, if your direct report frequently interrupts others, your goal might be for them to feel aware (but not embarrassed) and motivated to change (not defensive).





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Step 2: Let AI draft a starting point

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Once you’ve thought it through, feed AI a detailed prompt. Example:

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“I have a direct report who frequently interrupts others in meetings. It seems to be a blind spot for them, and it’s affecting team discussions. I would love for them to commit to working on this, either on their own, or in partnership with me. Can you help me craft feedback that makes them aware, but not embarrassed, and motivated to change?”

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Step 3: Put it into your own words

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AI will likely offer multiple approaches, such as a direct yet supportive option, or a self-reflective approach. Choose the one that aligns best with your communication style and desired outcome, then edit it.

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AI can be a powerful thinking partner, helping you organize your thoughts—but it shouldn’t be your script verbatim. Research shows that AI-generated feedback can be effective, but people tend to trust it less when they know it’s from AI, which can contradict the whole purpose of this process. So, use this as your starting point.

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An easy way to do this is to read it out loud—does it sound like you? Are there words you wouldn’t normally use? Does the tone feel right? Most importantly, is the feedback accurate and reflective of the actual situation?

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The goal is to shape the message in a way that feels authentic to you while ensuring it has your intended impact.

 

What AI can’t do

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As much as AI can help, there are a few things you can’t rely on it for:

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Having the actual conversation.



AI can draft strong messages, but you have to be the one to say them. Face-to-face communication allows for tone, body language, and real-time adjustments.




Keeping you grounded.



Even the most prepared of us can still get nervous. AI can’t regulate your breathing or stop you from rambling. Try centering and/or grounding exercises both before and during your conversation.




Handling pushback.



If the recipient gets defensive or pushes back, AI can’t jump in. Stay open, curious, and focused on the solution.




Collaborating on a solution.



Feedback isn’t just about pointing out issues; it’s about helping people improve. AI can’t brainstorm next steps with them—but you can.





 

Use AI as a tool, not a crutch

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AI is an amazing supporting tool, but it’s not your replacement. You don’t want your communication skills to atrophy like the bodies of the humans glued to the floating chairs in Wall-E, outsourcing every tough conversation to a bot.

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That said, AI does reinforce a few timeless feedback techniques:

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Use “I” statements.



Instead of: “You interrupt people all the time.”


Try: “I’ve noticed that in meetings, you tend to jump in before others finish speaking.”
(Less defensive, more productive.)




Frame it as an observation, not a fact.
Feedback can be a hard pill to swallow because it could potentially go against how we perceive ourselves. It’s common for people to respond with “Well, that wasn’t my intention.”



 Instead of debating, acknowledge the gap:


Try: “I know you don’t mean to interrupt, but it’s something I’ve seen multiple times. Let’s figure out a way to fix it together.”




Make it a partnership.



“I want our team discussions to feel more balanced. Let’s work on this together.”
(Collaboration equals engagement.)





 

The Big Question

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At this point, you might be wondering… Did I use AI to write this?

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Answer? Yes and no. AI helped me organize my thoughts, proofread for grammatical errors, and tighten up my phrasing (I can get wordy). But the insights and personal experience? I’m happy to share that it comes from a 100% human brain.

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That’s exactly how I hope you use AI for feedback: as a support system, not a substitute. When used wisely, AI can help you clarify your message, boost your confidence, and transform feedback from something stressful to something useful.